Chicano Style
A list of things we're known for, and things we do as raza.
Lowriders
Not everyone is lucky enough to have one, but damn every Chicano would like to have one. If given an option
of picking between a new Lexus or a tricked out '64, Chicanos are the only ones that would think about it (and eventually take the '64).
We like to lower our shit, make it hop on 100 spokes. Dark tint, dice on the mirrors and hella chrome is what it's all about. Preferably
a Chevy, but most American car will do. Chicanos Don't Do imports.
Bomb Ass Food
Mexican mothers know how to cook, and they don't mind doing it all day. Posole, Menudo, Tamales, Chilaquiles,
Tacos, Burritos, Frijoles, Albondigas,and Enchiladas. Speaking of tamales, that's the only food that's
made in mass quantities no matter what the occasion. It's roughly 20 tamales for every person being served,
so for a family of five there will be 100 tamales made. It's like a never ending process, it takes the whole
day and the ladies making them are the last ones to go to sleep. It's usual for family members to
wake up during the night to the sound of loud ass laughter as they talk shit about everyone in the block.
Anyway, that's some good ass high-carb food, and exactly why it's hard for us to do 'Atkins'.
Recycling: Mexican Style
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The Pillow
Walking through the Mexican aisle at the grocery store (white people call it the "Hispanic" section) you'll
come across Mexican flour. There's the kind that comes in a normal bag, and then there's the one that comes
in a sack with funky designs on. I remember punching the shit out of them when I was a chavalillo
and hella white powder would come out. Well, old school Mexican women like to buy that flour and use the sack
as a pillow. Yeah, they'll fill it with cotton and sew it back up. Hahaha, damn that's hella ghetto now that I
think about it. -
Drinking Glass
Remember growing up with these little glasses in the house? At fist there would be 3, then by the end of the month
there would be like 6 in the cupboards. Where the fuck are they coming from? Then you would break one and your
mom would go all psycho as if you just broke her china. Eventually you would find out that the mole sauce
comes in those
glasses and it only costs a couple of bucks. -
Storage Containers
Mexicans don't use storage containers like "Glad" for salsa. Why would we when sour cream containers and mayonaise
jars work just as well? Damn, there'll be like 5 sour cream containers in the fridge, but no sour cream
when you want to eat some chips. Instead you'll find salsa, chile verde, chile macho, guacamole, even
chopped up onions and cilantro ready for the menudo. You might even know of someone that collects
fat from bacon n shit in a mayonaise jar and saves it for later use whenever they cook frijoles.
I think even the most hardcore Mexican people stopped using lard
to cook and have now switched to at least vegetable oil. If you know of anyone in the US that still uses lard,
I'll award them the "Chicano Chronicles Non-Assimilation award."
The Remedies
These two are considered the most important remedies to have in your house. Vaporub, also known as "Vics" or
"Vaporú" is good for when you have a cold, stuffy nose, chest pain, breathing problems or if "agarraste
aire". Hell,
if you're not sure, just slap some of it on your chest and nostrils to be safe. The 7Up is used to cure your
stomach cuando estas empachado porque te hace repetir. I always thought that old school Mexicans
started using 'seven' because they're lazy and don't want to make agua de limon all the time.
Tapatío
The Mexican essential, there's more of this in our house than water. This is added to everything, from soups and tacos,
to eggs and pizza. Tapatío comes in three basic bottles: The 32 oz. is for the dinner table. The 10 oz. one is the "mobile"
Tapatío that can be taken to the living room, and the 5 oz. bottle is the special "Chicana edition" which can be found
in any Chicana's purse.
Mendigos Pajaros y Plantas
Every Chicano's abuelita's house is full of a bunch of plants and birds. It's like a fucking jungle. Touch one of the plants,
and you die. Even though there's a shitload of them, every one has it's purpose: Esta es buena para la tos, esta
para las cortadas, y esta para los espiritus. That plus the birds, and you have a mini version of the Amazon. Not to mention half
those birds are illegal.
Religious Candles
Every self respecting Chicano household has at least one of these candles. For those that don't know, they're lit when you pray for
someone.
The Spoon
A look inside the freezer and you'll see this gigantic, frozen thing. You fall off the bike, get a black eye, or a bump on your head,
abuelita heads for the spoon. They press it agains the bump and it hurts like hell. Some families use a steak,
which can later be cooked for dinner.
Paleteros and Vatos del Pan
When I was a kid, I remember summer time when it was hot as fuck outside and everyone wanted ice cream.
Everyone would run to the ice cream truck when they heard "pop goes the weasel", but those
of us that were smart held on to our money and waited for the sound of the campanita from the paletero.
Mexican ice cream is the shit. You would be sitting there enjoying
something that's actually hard to find in stores, while the other kids complained
that the "pinche arabe" shorted them 50 cents.
When you see the paletero and the guys with the chicharrones and corn, it's a little bit of Mexico these people brought here. Except the bread vato. I don't know about other places, but the fool in Tracy was an old school Chicano that was all tatted up. He would roll up in his van honking his horn, and all the ladies would run out to get pan dulce. You would never see guys run up to the van, and if you did, I doubt they were buyin pan.
Tight Sayings
Every Chicano has witnessed first hand a visceral verbal abuse from one of our parents or ancestors. It happens when they get so pissed off that they just go off in Spanish, and you realize that it just wouldn't sound as tight if they would say it in English. The funniest is when it comes from a usually well-mannered person, and you're surprised that they possess such skills. Something like "Hijo de tu perra madre, de aqui pa'lla me la pelas, pinche culero hijo de puta barata."
Then there's just regular comments that are off the wall, like once I remember watching TV and a Miller Lite commercial came on where they said it was great high quality beer as they zoomed in at the beer being poured into a glass, and my mom was like "Parecen meados de burro" and we all started rollin'. Classic.